Mom has been attending the Day Center now for almost four months

Mom has been attending the day center now for almost four months. We started with two days a week and added a third day a couple months ago. Mom will be going four days a week, starting this week. 

When we first started using the day center; Dad was not comfortable with dropping Mom off, but was okay with picking her up. So, I took Mom in the morning and Dad picked her up in the afternoon. This went on for several weeks. After a few weeks, Dad was okay with dropping Mom off and picking her up. We had a few weeks when Mom was more agitated coming home; Mom thought that Dad was abandoning her when he dropped her off in the morning. I starting taking Mom again for a week, this allowed for some adjustment. Things calmed down and Mom seemed okay with Dad dropping off and picking up again.

My dad was picking her up later in the day and noticed that when she was picked up later in the day, she came home more confused. My Mom did not like being the last one picked up. Mom likes it when Dad comes early to get her. My Dad now goes earlier in the day to pick her up. This seems to have worked out well.

Mom seems to enjoy herself there now! She comes home tired most days, which is a good thing. Mom seems to be adjusting well and enjoying her time. I think Mom believes that she works there and this is something that she enjoys. I also think that Mom enjoys talking to the other ladies there. It’s probably much better than being around my Dad and me all day. 🙂

They also do some arts and crafts there. Mom is proud of her work! 

ImageImage

I have talked with several members of the team there and they have provided me updates on Mom’s progress. Mom sometimes starts out the day a little confused, but warms up throughout the day.

The team does an amazing job with getting Mom from the entrance of the facility to the day center. I think that this is the one think that makes the transition so much easier for my Mom and Dad.

When Mom started, Mom was like all others that used the day center and it took some time to adjust to the new surroundings. Mom would stand by the door and was ready to go home from minute one. She started participating over time and now enjoys her time there. 

One of the caregivers at the facility reached out to me and said the following:

“I am so very fond of your Mom! Your Mom has made great strides here! She has a great smile, too! I love her sarcasm & dry wit!”

I now know where I get my sarcasm and dry wit from! 🙂

I know several of the team members at the Alzheimer’s Association, Northwest Ohio Chapter. They have all told me that when they are around Mom, she seems to be doing very good in the day center. 

Mom told my Dad the other day that she likes going there. She said that all my friends are there. They use my Dad’s name and my name when talking with Mom, she enjoys that. It’s been good to make a personal connection with the team members.

When we first signed her up for the day center, we completed in intake interview and provided them with all kinds of detail to help with daily conversation. i.e. family information, key conversations, talking points, what she likes and dislikes, etc. I think the intake and personal connection with the team has helped for a successful transition. We have also participated in a care meeting to talk about eating, bathroom, participation, medication, etc.

Dad is taking advantage of the days that my Mom is at the Day Center. He is able to get things done around the house without having to worry about Mom. I hope that he is able to do more fun things in the future too. It would be nice if he starts taking walks, hitting some golf balls or playing a round of golf. I also need to look into some of the day games for the Detroit Tigers or Toledo Mud Hens. My Dad loves baseball and he ordered MLB AtBat so he can watch all the games.

Looking back at the first day that Mom attended the day center (from January 2013)

Today was the first time that we took advantage of the Adult Day Center! I took my Mom there this morning! she seemed happy and ready for the day! I cried when i walked outside! (It could have been the medication she is on to calm her down) 🙂

A friend of mine posted on Facebook that it was like my first day of school. Mom cried when the bus picked me up; I felt the same way today! I cried after I dropped my Mom off at the Adult Day Center!

I think it was hard because in some ways, I feel that I have failed with helping my parents. I know that I’m doing everything that I can, but sometimes I feel that it’s not enough.

I don’t ever want her to resent me for not being able to be there all the time for her. I don’t want her to think that I don’t care and just kicked her to the curb. I never want to put her in a home! I feel like this is a good step to get her out of the house, give my dad a break and give her a chance to interact more with others. I think by leveraging the Adult Day Center, we will be able to keep her at home and give her a great quality of life. I also think it will help reduce my Dad’s stress level.

I know my Dad has been having a hard time with my Mom (24 x 7) being a caregiver.

We are starting with 2 days a week at the adult day center at the Alzheimer’s Association, Northwest Ohio Chapter.

I’m thankful that they have an amazing staff that has made it easier to leave my Mom in their hands. It’s nice to know most of the team; I have been actively involved with the association and on the Board.

Mom seemed happy when I dropped her off! Dad said he did not want to drop her off; it would have been really hard for him. It was hard for me.

I don’t think my Dad knew what to do today! this is the first time that they have really been apart in a long time.

Dad went back to pick her up at 5! She forgot she was there a few minutes later. When she got home, she seemed in good spirits! The good thing; she did not throw her purse at my Dad or me!

🙂

We are going to go again on Friday! I home this helps my Dad get a little break. I also hope that my Mom enjoys the adult day center, activities and meeting other people.

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About Richard Kenny

My Mom has Alzheimer's and I help my Dad with caregiving!
This entry was posted in Alzheimer's, Caregiver, caregiving, Dementia, Family, fundraising, Memory Loss and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

35 Responses to Mom has been attending the Day Center now for almost four months

  1. I love this great update. My dad thought he worked at his care facility as well. He used to load up his brief case like he was going to work and he carried it everywhere with him. He also thought he was at a hotel and the gift shop was down the hall from him. That is kind of sweet if you think about it. They think they are helping others out and how precious is that? I love the photo of your sweet mom. She is so cute holding her corsage. I also like the wreath I take it that she made it. I’m glad you had a good day with you mom and I love what you said about the woman who said they cried when they let us off and school and we cried when we drop them off. That is so true, but you wouldn’t miss it for the world. I know this is hard on you and your family but I do believe your sharing is very helpful to others. Thank you for sharing I enjoyed reading about your mom.

    • Thanks Michelle Marie!

      Yes, I think we go full circle with caring for our parents. They have to feel like they are contributing to anything that you are doing with them or for them. Sometimes, they have to think that they are helping you and not the other way around.

      • Well said I couldn’t agree with you more. Have a great day!

      • Michelle Marie,

        Happy Mother’s Day to you as well! I have enjoyed our conversations!

        Rich

      • Me too. My girl has been sick all week and in the hospital but better now. So today is a day of recovery for us. Ha. She was so sweet though she had one of her friends get me a card for her and then processed a photo of she and I together. I like to keep a current photo of her on my desk. Isn’t it amazing the people you meet on your blog and the shared experiences you can have with people 1/2 way across the world? I think it is wonder and am glad to know you.
        Michelle

      • Michelle,

        Agreed! I have made so many wonderful connections online and it has really made an impact over the last few years.

        I’m sorry to hear that your daughter was sick and in the hospital. I’m glad she is home and recovering. It’s also nice to have a day of rest and relaxation.

        That is very sweet of her and her friend to get you a card and photo of the two of you. That’s Awesome!

        Rich

      • I thought so too! Have a super day! I’m slopping coffee today! My favorite way to spend the weekend…
        Much better then cutting grass.

        Michelle

      • Michelle,

        That’s a great way to relax! I always enjoy a few cups of coffee! We are getting ready to go out for lunch with Mom! I think we are going to try Mexican today! You never know if Mom will eat! 🙂 Take care and enjoy the day with family!

        Rich

      • That sounds like fun. My dad all of a sudden started liking Mexican food and he never used to before. I think he forgot her didn’t like it which was good for us because we love it. Have a great time with your mom.
        :)Michelle

      • Michelle,
        We went into the Mexican restaurant and mom walk up to the bar, I thought she was going to order a shot! I redirected her to our table and she told me that she used to come here all the time and drink at the bar. My mom has only been in this restaurant once with me for dinner. Mom has not had a drink in many, many years. I still can’t picture my mom bellied up at a bar. That day may still happen, based on today’s experience.

        I hope the rest of your Mother’s Day was great!

        By the way; what part of the world do you live in?

        Rich

      • I’m an Okie from Oklahoma. I live in Tulsa OK.
        I was going to tell you that sometimes people that were really wring tailed toots in their life become docile. That was my dad. It was quiet precious actually he cried all the time. My sister and brother got to see him be gentle so your mom may belly to the bar and if she does take a photo I want to see it. My dad always used to say pull your car up to the front and we’ll go on down for a beer then you can bring me back.
        I love the funny things my dad said. He thought he was at work in the plant and asked to walk the plant with him. It was funny the nurses said go along with him so I let him show me around. One time we got half way down the hall and he turned around and said, “What the hell and I doing?” It was the cutest thing. I started laughing and he said oh ya we are walking the plant. Remember all those funny things they make you laugh. Have a great evening!!! And a great monday tomorrow. I’m glad you had Mexican food. Michelle

      • Michelle, I agree, it is best to go along with them for the ride! It’s a new adventure, every day! If we go into their world; they are les likely to get confused and agitated. I’m sure my mom will join me for a beer at some point! It will be a cute picture! I post a ton of pictures on Facebook of mom! She makes some of the funniest expressions. We also go out for ice cream a lot. She can be freezing cold, but will sit outside and have ice cream with me.

      • I love that. Aren’t they the cutest sometimes? Melts your heart for sure. Did you say where you guys live?

      • Michelle,

        I live in Michigan (near Toledo)! Thanks for taking time to stop by and read my blog and chat with me.

        Rich

      • You’re welcome. When I was little we lived in Kalamazoo. Then my dad was transferred with his company to Fort Smith Arkansas. Big change for sure. I’m a transplanted Yankee but pretty much southern now!!! Is it still snowing up there?

      • No more snow! We had a few really cold nights, but I think spring is here!

      • Thank God for spring! I am tired of Winter and being cold! Then in the summer I’ll be wishing for the winter. Aren’t we a funny people?

      • I’m not wishing for winter! Only wish for fall and spring! 🙂

      • boy you got that right. Especially where you live winter is ruthless! It’s been so rainy here lately I am looking forward to a hot summer! Summers aren’t really hot there are they?

      • Mom and I are enjoying a nice day after it took an hour to get her out of the car today. 🙂

      • Why is that? It takes forever to get in the car and out of the car and in the store and out of the store. Maybe deal to go anywhere. Plus if they have a walker for wheelchair it is almost like having a baby again. Hope you enjoy your day with you mom. Let me know what fun things you guys did.
        It is a pretty day here. Warm today! 90º

      • Michelle,

        She can walk short distances! She was just be stubborn and in her own little world. Not really sure, it happens every once in a while.

      • That is good. My day used to shuffle and teeter when he stood. That must be hard to have everything be so unsure for them.

      • Yeah! We have the same challenge. Once she stands, you have to stop and allow her time to balance. We also have a lot of trouble with steps.

        We have to think about all the steps it takes to walk and do any other common task. i.e. stand up straight, lift foot up and over uneven pavement, move foot forward, move foot straight forward, put foot down, lift other foot, etc.

      • We take so much for granted don’t you think? When we are young and healthy. Then when we see this how someone so alive and on the go can be stopped by illness and the body getting older it sure is an ah-ha moment. Both my parents had trouble stand and walking once they got past 65. They just quit moving like they used to.
        I read where people that isolate are more likely to get Alzheimers is that true? Do you know?
        Because they are no interacting daily and keeping their mind active. Also people that smoke and drink alcohol and my dad did both not that you mom did but by dad was a set up for this disease and for people to not notice at first because he isolated himself when it started.

      • Michelle,

        I’m not sure if I have answers!

        Some things that I noticed:

        When my Dad or I started to do things for my Mom; she seemed to stop being able to do them. I think at times we made it worse by trying to do too much.

        I also have seen an improvement with my Mom now that she is going to the day center and getting interaction with others.

      • I know you don’t have answers none of us do. But I am very glad that your mom seems better now that she has interaction. That is good for everyone really.
        Hopefully you are close to her so you get to see her often!

      • Michelle,

        She goes to the day center four days a week from 11-4! Otherwise, I’m with her all the time. I moved in with them to help out with caregiving. I also work from home!

        I wish we did have answers! So many questions!

      • Isn’t that the truth. More questions lead to more questions. Thank God you moved in with them. That is so wonderful of you. Wow so you really are dealing with all this on a day to day basis. I love that you work from home and this helps for you to the there. You’ll never be sorry I just know it!!!

      • Michelle, I saw this and thought of you! Hmmm! How 2 fight Alzheimer’s – Can vitamin B, playing the piano or eating curry really help? http://mirr.im/130AWsH #EndALZ

      • Oh wow V B and curry? That is very interesting. We really do lack a lot of vitamins in our daily diets for sure!!!

  2. boomer98053 says:

    These centers are a marvelous option to provide respite for the caregiver, but also, activities and socialization for those with the disease. I’m glad your household has opted to provide this program for your mom. She seems to be at the perfect time on her disease journey to take advantage of what the program has to offer. I hope the center continues to be helpful for one and all.

    • Thanks!

      We initially had a nurses aide come in the house for a few hours a day. We later realized that this was not what we needed. Mom needed interaction and not someone in the house. Dad also needed the break!

      We looked into the Alzheimer’s Association Day Center for several months. After thinking about it and being on the wait list for a while; we were finally able to get her in.

      I’m sure we will need to leverage in-home help again, in the very near future. Dad is having difficultly in the morning with getting Mom ready and in the evening with showers. My sister comes over a couple times a week to do a shower with my Mom.

  3. Kate Swaffer says:

    Lovely blog Richard, makes me less terrified of ever having to go!

    • Thanks for reading my blog! I’m starting to write more and more! I think the day center is great for both mom and dad! Dad is able to do other things around the house and be rested for the long hours of caregiving when mom is home. Mom is able to hang out with others and have a break from 24/7 care.

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