The hardest 45 days to date!!!

The last 45 days have been extremely difficult with my mom and dad. 

Mom had a significant downturn in her condition last month. This has also had a very negative effect on my father. He is close to a mental breakdown, if it has not already happened. I am taking my father to specialist to help him tomorrow. I have also scheduled a meeting with a specialist for my mother on July 23rd. 

My mom is confused about who my father is. Sometimes she recognizes him and other times she thinks she is dating him or that it is her father. Other times, she thinks he is a guy she worked with or works for.

My mom does not like living in this house. I think it is because the last four years, they did not do much. They spent most of the time sitting in the back room sitting on the two la-Z-boy chairs. I think this is why she hates this house so much.

My dad is so worried about my mother. He seems to stare at her while they are sitting and this scares my mom. I’m not sure what to do in order to help my dad to stop doing this. My dad also wants to do everything for my mom and does not give her a change to do anything. My mom thinks that my dad is always following her around the house and watches everything she does and this scares my mom too. I have been guilt of this too, I always want to do things for her too. I need to do a better job helping her doing things and getting her to do things that she can do on her own.

My mom does not always recognize me; sometimes she thinks that I am her brother and not her son. She also thinks her parents are still alive and everyone in her family left her here in this house.

I have now been back home living with my parents for the last 22 months. Wow – Where did the time go???

My mom and dad have become very dependent on me and rely on me for almost everything. I’m happy to do it, but also wish that I had more help from my sisters. One sister lives in Florida and has a disabled husband. My other sister lives up here, but has a hard time dealing with our parents condition. She is an LPN and works in a nursing home. When she does come by to cut my mom’s hair, she is in and out so fast, I do not think she understands how bad it is. She also normally calls every day; when she does not call, it causes stress for my dad. 

I finally hired someone to come into the house two hours a day to help out. I will probably have to increase this soon. Not sure how much help it is providing now, but it will help.

Been working with the Alzheimer’s Association (Toledo, OH office) and trying to enroll my parents into a year long program to help my father learn how to manage day to day and get my mom more active with mind stimulating activities. I’m hoping this helps. I took them to The Toledo Museum of Art last weekend, my mom was really engaged in the discussions. It was sponsored by the Alzheimer’s Association and The Toledo Museum of Art. I asked if I could volunteer at the local office for The Alzheimer’s Association. I’m waiting to hear back. I have a hard time asking for help, without paying it back in some other way.

I was able to get away for a couple trips last month. I went to Montreal with a group of friends for an annual trip for the Formula 1 race (my sister from Florida flew up here for the weekend to give me time to relax on this trip). I also went to DC with a friend of mine; her father was awarded the Silver Star. He was shot down back in the 60s over The Soviet Union in a U-2 spy plane. I also went back to Minneapolis to sell my house (that was not a fun trip) It was a hard financial loss and very hard to say good-bye to many friends. I realized after being back here for 22 months, it was time to cut my loses and relieve myself of one stress.

Took my parents to Florida for my Niece Ashely’s High School gradation ceremony. It was a great trip, but probably cause some of the confusion with my parents. My sister and her two nieces also flew up here for a week. It was nice to have them up here for a week. I have three simple rules for my nieces; the can have anything they want, eat anything they want and do anything they want. These three rules seem to work well. 🙂

At the end of the month; I’m taking my sister (from Florida) and her two nieces to Rome, Italy to celebrate my nieces 18th birthday and her graduation from high school. After how the last 45 days went, I’m getting very concerned about being out of the country for a week. Not sure what to do! I had to shorten my trip to last month to Minneapolis on the front end and back end of the trip. It went from an eight day trip to a three day trip. Once I leave for Italy, I will be very limited with how I can help.

My parents have some very close friends and they have been very helpful over the years. They are always willing to help out when needed. I just hate having to call them and ask for help. I feel like I should be able to do this, but I seem to rely more on them and less on my sisters.

This may seem like a rant, but really needed to write this! Thanks for reading! I welcome all thoughts, comments, etc.

Have a wonderful summer!




About Richard Kenny

My Mom has Alzheimer's and I help my Dad with caregiving!
This entry was posted in Alzheimer's, Caregiver, Dementia, Family, Memory Loss and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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