Memorial Day Weekend! (Mom’s Memory Loss Weekend)

Friday started out being a really bad day. My mom did not know that she is married, has kids or grandchildren. Normally this only lasts for a couple hours, but this time it turned into three days of extreme confusion.

My sister Dawn came over to cut my mom’s hair. My mom knows my sister as Dawn, but not her daughter. She thinks Dawn is a nice young lady, but does not understand why she always wants to come over and cut her hair. My mom always wants to pay dawn for cutting her hair, but Dawn does not take it. 

My sister Debi called from Florida on Friday evening. She also had her kids call to talk to mom. My mom was confused that she had kids and grandkids. She kept saying that she does not know why her family just dropped her off at this house and left her here. She wonders why her family does not come to see her and why she has been kept from her family. When my mom talked to Debi, she keep saying she was excited about meeting her daughter and granddaughters. She was crying and saying that she missed out on their lives and could not wait to meet them. This was really hard on my sister. She has only had to experience this extreme memory loss a couple times. My mom sometimes confuses her grandchildren as her kids. 

Yesterday, we spent the entire day trying to distract her and/or divert her attention, but nothing seemed to work. 

It’s very hard to talk with your mom and not call her mom. When she does not know that she has a son or a husband. I have to learn how to read the situation better. If i mess up and call her mom when she is not aware that I’m her son, it starts a tailspin and it sometimes goes so fast that we are not able to corse correct.

My mom and I talked about her memory loss. She was concerned that people would think she was stupid if she forgot something or stumbled on her words. I want to talk to her about having Alzheimer’s, but not sure if she is ready for the conversation. Should I tell her that she has Alzheimer’s?? We talked about her having memory loss and that it was okay that she is forgetting things. I told her we would help her remember when she forgets. Mom asked me if she would get her memory back. I told her that she will have days of great clarity and other days where she will not know everyone and have some confusion. She asked if there was a pill she could take to get her memory back. I told her that I wash there was, but we are doing everything we can to slow down the memory loss with medication, exercise, eating and mind games.

Last night, she woke up at 2am and wanted to go home to her husband and/or she wanted to go home to her family (her mom and dad) It took about 90 minutes to get her to go back to bed. She does not recognize my dad in the middle of the night when she wakes up and thinks he is someone else. I think this is because my dad shows his frustration and emotion; when my mom sees my dad’s emotion, she does not see this as her husband. My dad want to reorientate her back and it gets her more confused. She refers to him as dad (thinking he is her dad, not her husband) and is confused why they are sleeping in the same bed. My mom’s dad passed away when she was 20 years old. When I talk to my dad, I can’t call him dad anymore; I need call him Dick or refer to him as your husband to my mom. I hope this may help with some of the confusion.

Yesterday, I called a few of my parent’s friends to ask them in they would like to do something this weekend. Since my dad doesn’t seem to want to reach out, I’m going to make it happen for them. I need to find a way for them to get out and do more things as a couple with other couples and do things as individuals (guy’s night and girl’s night).

Today it seems to be getting better! We had breakfast with a some of their friends. My mom seemed to know who everyone was. They are going to go have burgers and hot dogs with the same group of friends tonight. I need to find a way to get my parents to do more. They just want to sit around and watch TV and not do anything. 

Tomorrow, my dad, my dad’s friend John and I will be going golfing in the morning. My mom and her friend Rita will be having some girl time. My mom really needs this time away from my father. She needs to spend more time with another woman and not always with my dad.

Mom,

I’m your son and you are experiencing some memory loss. You do not have to worry about anyone thinking that you are stupid because you do not know who they are. Your family and friends are here to help you remember when you can’t. I’m your son, I love you even when you do not know who I am. The things you say may hurt, but I need to be strong and not let you see my pain.

 

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About Richard Kenny

My Mom has Alzheimer's and I help my Dad with caregiving!
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